Thursday, March 29, 2012

How on earth do I react?

Someone please tell me.

The other day someone posted on facebook Hitler R.I.P.
I swear I died 1000 times over.

I wanted to beat the person who said this to a bloody pulp. I didn't care what they did to me. The ignorance of it was simply astounding. I couldn't contain my hatred. My great grandmother was a survivor of the Holocaust. I never met her. My grandfather (her son) has told me plenty of stories to make anger swell inside of me at even the slightest mention of Hitlers name.

Have you ever been so angry all your muscles tense, your throat clogs up and for whatever reason your mouth begins to water.

Its like your body has prepped itself into another mode of existence. I fell like, at 17 I am just now becoming aware of what it means to be uninnocent.  "I have recently entered a world where peers, people even my own age disagree, politically. And people think thoughts once only believed to be "evil". now they must be tolerated.. Fuck.

Now I need a cigarette. I feel like I have entered a new world.
 One so far fetched. where perhaps during the fight you might even bite teeth into the enemy and sink into the enemy and devour enemy whole. and burn anything left over. sorry. that sounds insane.

But I feel desperate. I feel alone. I don't know who to contact or call out to. This individual is clearly unintelligent. clearly uneducated. Why would they go so far as to post something so wrong as this. Isn't there anything we can do.

Maybe I'm too sensitive. But I feel so much hurt, so much pain. so much agony. I cant possibly stop my soul from bleeding. and anyone would feel the same if they knew the things Hitler and his policies did to my great grandmother specifically and all of the people born like her.

She wasn't Jewish you know. I'm not Jewish either. not that that's wrong in any way. Tolerance is key.
I have black hair and green eyes. Hitler could have killed or tortured me you know. my great grandmother was very beautiful she had blue eyes and brown hair. She was held captive for so long she almost starved to death. She was only held captive because of who her friends were and how she looked. she was engaged at the time to a guy who did die.  In camp. starved and over worked to death.

I fucking hate Hitler. cant stand him. cant stand it. couldn't deal with it ever. cant possibly.. .  I feel like.....I feel like I'm suffocating.

I don't know how to respond to this.
I know I should shake it off. But I am very close to my family. I don't know how to deal with a statement like this. I want justice. Please, someone help. In the name of what is right and what is good. what can I do?


its good to vent here because I know nothing is all I have.

This is what I am left with now.

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