So cigaretts and cigars.

Tonight is a drinking night.

So Duh I'm fucking pissfaced now.
But for some odd reason I cant focus on that. I can only focus on stress.

 I posted in my last entry "I need a cigarette"

so as a 17 year old in cleveland- it's pretty fucking easy to get one of those ya  know. So I got some earlier. Hated them and threw them away. Buttttt I kept one. For what ever reason. So I was really upset and I went to go smoke one
 I'm actually a bit intimidated by cigarets. I have an addictive personalty. I don't want to get hooked. But I smoked one any way. thinking I might relax. I didn't. I hated it. It made my throat hurt and I felt guilty. So I flushed it down the toilette.

thennnnn...... seconds later craved it with an insane desire. I almost thought of grabbing it out of the toilette and drying it off and smoking it.

To which I answered in total conscience - WHAT THE FUCK?

Really. I could just go buy more. I told myself to go get some more wine. But it was like my body didn't want wine. My body wanted tobacco. What the hell? I thought. This is the quickest way to get cancer. I know first hand what regular smoking can do. I don't want to be a part of it.

You wanna know something funny? My parents told me when I was 13 that they stopped smoking in my name. See? I cant just be fucking ignorant and start now.
no, not a chance. But I want to. Tell me what do you think this means?

Actually- This blog is proving to be quite valuable because in the time its taken me to write this I have decided that I don't need a cig. still- love the cigars Allen brings over. No shit. But that's a different story.

How on earth do I react?

Someone please tell me.

The other day someone posted on facebook Hitler R.I.P.
I swear I died 1000 times over.

I wanted to beat the person who said this to a bloody pulp. I didn't care what they did to me. The ignorance of it was simply astounding. I couldn't contain my hatred. My great grandmother was a survivor of the Holocaust. I never met her. My grandfather (her son) has told me plenty of stories to make anger swell inside of me at even the slightest mention of Hitlers name.

Have you ever been so angry all your muscles tense, your throat clogs up and for whatever reason your mouth begins to water.

Its like your body has prepped itself into another mode of existence. I fell like, at 17 I am just now becoming aware of what it means to be uninnocent.  "I have recently entered a world where peers, people even my own age disagree, politically. And people think thoughts once only believed to be "evil". now they must be tolerated.. Fuck.

Now I need a cigarette. I feel like I have entered a new world.
 One so far fetched. where perhaps during the fight you might even bite teeth into the enemy and sink into the enemy and devour enemy whole. and burn anything left over. sorry. that sounds insane.

But I feel desperate. I feel alone. I don't know who to contact or call out to. This individual is clearly unintelligent. clearly uneducated. Why would they go so far as to post something so wrong as this. Isn't there anything we can do.

Maybe I'm too sensitive. But I feel so much hurt, so much pain. so much agony. I cant possibly stop my soul from bleeding. and anyone would feel the same if they knew the things Hitler and his policies did to my great grandmother specifically and all of the people born like her.

She wasn't Jewish you know. I'm not Jewish either. not that that's wrong in any way. Tolerance is key.
I have black hair and green eyes. Hitler could have killed or tortured me you know. my great grandmother was very beautiful she had blue eyes and brown hair. She was held captive for so long she almost starved to death. She was only held captive because of who her friends were and how she looked. she was engaged at the time to a guy who did die.  In camp. starved and over worked to death.

I fucking hate Hitler. cant stand him. cant stand it. couldn't deal with it ever. cant possibly.. .  I feel like.....I feel like I'm suffocating.

I don't know how to respond to this.
I know I should shake it off. But I am very close to my family. I don't know how to deal with a statement like this. I want justice. Please, someone help. In the name of what is right and what is good. what can I do?

Nothing?


its good to vent here because I know nothing is all I have.


This is what I am left with now.

A date

I am going to write at least three entrys today to catch you up.

So. You know that girl I have been texting?
well it got to the point where I was texting her almost every day. shes really sweet. She talks a lot. Well, texts. But the good this about text is that I can just shut my phone off and then look at them when i feel ike it. So It doesnt really bother me.

We like the same music. We both went to warped tour this year. Obviously I didnt know her then. That's awesome.  I cant imagine such a little person in a mosh pit ahahahahah. But apparently she loves those things. I like mosh pits myself. I kinda feel bad tho because I always end up elbowing some kid in the nose. Most recently it was a guy a bit older then me. I hit him in his mouth and broke his incisor.Made his lip bleed. I offered any help I could walked him to the first aid tent, and made sure he was ok. They told me I was not liable for injuries. Thank god. still, I hope someone fixed his tooth.  HOLY FUCKING SHIT I HAD TO STOP WHAT IM DOING BECAUSE THE NEWS JUST SAID THAT. .  . OH OH OH HOT BUTTERED JESUS!

ANCHOR MAN IS BACK!!!!!!!!!


AHHHHHH. I love scotch scotchy scotchy scotch. mm  mmmm mmmm down into my belly.

ANY WAY
that girl. her name is Teresa. shes so adorable. We went cosmic bowling, and she looked a bit freaky because she had this light blue make up on her eyes that made her eyes kinda pop and sink into her skull in a creepy way.  I avoided looking directly at her face for this very reason. I dont think she noticed.

When we were back in my car I tried to get some smooches, ya know. :D

 But she put a halt to that right away. Simply smiled at me and planted a kiss on my face
I was only a bit mad. well mad isnt the right term. But I felt kinda anxious. I paid for dinner. Took her bowling and weve been sending text that might be more then a little provocative for the past week. I expected more then a kiss on the cheek. Seriously? My mom gives me a kiss on the cheek.

After the date I drove around near the lake. Through the neghiborhoods I used to know so well. Even at night they are just as I remembered them.

Drove near the house that is near and dear to me. But empty.

That house.

It was a lonely couple of hours.

When I got home at midnight I tired to be as quiet as possible so I wouldn't wake my parents. stepped in feeling almost depressed, so much had changed over the past year and now all i had to show for it was my boring life.

But then when I closed the door and turned around I was facing a mirror. the mirror my family has right in front of the entrance. its a silver oval framed in a curly silver colored wood carving thing.

And I saw the red lipstick on my face. Her kiss. I smiled and for a moment felt that even lifes smallest things can bring warmth.

Climbed the stairs and slept well.

Life has been so boring.

School feels like it is almost done but its not.
Its funny because I'm actually smart. No one will think this. because I post about drinking so much but I swear I am.
i think so god damned much. It gets in the way. everythign becomes a mesurement, a formula a statistic.

When i drink I can enjoy the crazy ruckus or "poetic" side of life.
I can just fucking relax, or get crazy if I want to.

Rarely get crazy. I'm not exacly invited anywhere. And I prefer to drink alone or in small groups.

My parents HAVE to suspect something. But I just scored 33 on the ACT.

They congradulate me and ignore my ... youthfull impulses. alcohol. I'm sure if i were smoking pot (which I don't do) They would flip the fuck out.

theyd deliver me to the juvinille. seriously.

But I know that would only slow things down, give me more time to think. That's not what I want right now. And besides itss much easier to get caught doing something stupid like that.          

" a cool white whine for a cool black girl"

Ill give 5 bucks to who ever can name the movie.

DONT CHEAT DONT USE GOOGLE AND CHEAT

So. Schools great. Everyones asking me about weather or not I'm going to do my senior year. I dont. have to technically. i have already passed everything. Queenie is going. So I'm probably going to go. I dont know.

I'm not basing my life around Queenie. But might as well just take it easey for a year and Queenie makes the whole thing better. Elizabeth (Queenie) smokes pot. Not too much. But she does. I dont know wether to be worried or not. I think not. Fuck her and let her deal with it. aha. Probably better for her then the things I do to myself.

Allen came over again. He insisted we go out back and mess around with baseball and Bat. See how for we coudl hit that sort of crap. Hes such an ass. Why the hell would anyone  .... well just TWO people, not even enough to play a full base ball game,"mess around" with ball and bat for two hours. I complied because I thought he would get off my back.


So that girrrrllll. a while back. The one who gave me a note in school.

Turns out she didnt want my nuts.
she actually wanted homework help.

So weve been texting. It will only be a matter of time before she does.
Want my nuts that is.

I dont know when the next drinking Day will be.

I'm trying to take it slow for my mothers sake.

I feel like a rotton child taking advantage of them in little ways like this.

Elizabeth

Elizabeth would chopp my balls off if 
i ever even threatened to call her lizzy. Shed seriously kick my fucking ass. 


it all started with lizzy macguire. she hated that show. Dont get mad! so many people respond badly whe she says this. 


But yes, elizabeth. I feel she is the only person I might know. . . even in the slightest bit. but she can see right through me. And maybe she knows I am shallow. Maybe she knows Ive never been close. 

Elizabeth tells me her secrets easily and openly all the time. Its as if she just gives them to me. But sometimes I realize something. whenever she tells me something I get this strange feeling about her. like shes not . . . telling me any secret at all. but instad taunting me with the idea that she knows she can tell me anything. that she is close , and can be close with me, and yet, I can not be close to her. despite this all. despite knowing her since nearly birth. yet she knows everything about me. and tells me anything. with such a taunting tone it seems. like she has something to proove. in my ability to listen and not speak. 


This makes me feel even more the outsider. I do not want to feel alone.
 
oddly- even though more then anything
Id love to change her mind, and out of spite open up all my secrets and tell her everything. just only to proove a point. But i cant even do that. 


So, I am broken. arn't I? 

I am such a little bitch. look at me venting. God Allen would pound my face in. hes a fucking homophobe, and if anyone he knows  displays any sort of demasculinity then he goes off and turns on some inner switch only he knows about. where suddenly hes stronger, sexier, and ultimately more intelligent , and too good for the rest of us. He does anything to prove his strength. his superiority. Sometimes I wonder if he was like fucking picked on by a fag or something,. hes such a coward.

and look at me use the word fag. I dont mean anything by it. 

So I may or may not be drinking right now. 

And i understand this may or may not be the second time in one week. maybe not the best decision. But its not hurting me any. If I am drinking at all that is. It isnt like I have school tomorrow.



this is enough bitchig for one night. 

god damn this is what happens when your older sister asks to borrown the cd, and doesnt have it. so when you get drunk you have to fare wihtout it. and your mind just wanderssssssss


 

Oh I am horrible.

My poor mother.
Im
 not a morning person.
I'm very much so a night person. All night long I feel it is my only function, to stay awake. There is nothing else I can do.
I stay up and listen to music. There is nothing else. At least I dont feel so. I feel as If I must stay up. Oh christ. Fucking jesus christ. Look at me bitching. Any way. I wake her up every night. And I feel so guilty. But I cat stop the things I do. If the sound is down too low I wont be able to hear it. and I feel like these nighttime moments are all that make up my life.

I still do the same thing every night. I try to eliminate the talking and slamming doors and such. But i cant get rid of the music and the Tv. I dont have headphones right now either. so That is out of the question.

On another note, i realize just how shallow I am. Elizabeth (queenie) ....( for if i wasnt clear enough the first time, i nicknamed queen because her name is elizabeth. it started out queen elizabeth. then it was queenie, and sometimes quinn. and this all happened when we were 7). things like that are unchangeable. if only we knew what a foundation meant.. . .

Not that we ever did anything wrong. Or treated eachother badly.

But few realize that when you are young. between 5 and 12 certain friends are made. lasting best friends. and certain rules are laid down. traditions are made (even if something is only done once) and the standard for every summer every friendship and every feeling of love is set. Right in those innocent youthfull moments. If i knew then, that the things I did, those simple fun moments, would be the ones I would look back to for the rest of my life, Maybe i would have been more attentive in what I was doing. And maybe i would have been more realistic.

So that this letdown wouldnt be such a letdown. but instead something anticipated, expexted even.

this life without the dreams aspirations and fairy tales, would be so much easier to swallow. 

it's been a while but its DRINKING DAY

Ok. so I am drinking already.  well into the tradition i introdiced to you as drinking day. you all know it. I have decided that even if my oh so busy life some how manages to keep me from writing, i will at least try to write on drinking day. And this one is special because i have not drinken in what i consider well over a week.

this week i got my usual vodka annnnndddd. BEERRRRRR! something out of a can not a bottle.
I am actually way too drunk to remember. :( I am so drink i shall post this now and write more later this evenin. I sthink I am sdoing pretty goood for being drunk. :)

I play magic.

I play Magic
The gathering, as I believe I have stated before on several occasions.

Here are some pictures. Nothing too interesting I just wanted to get some pictures uploaded to this site.

SEX

Ok so SEX. Sex. I will admit. I am 17. I will be 18 this year, and I’ve only had sex twice. With two people. WITH TWO WOMEN. Sorry. Not just people. The first time was about 7 months ago at a party. This party was fuckin awesome, in the bedrooms the girl had little bowls on the nightstands filled with glow in the dark condoms. (ok well there were only three rooms, but that’s good enough.) the fourth room belonged to her little brother and that would just be wrong. So. Parents out. Huge house party, lasted till one before the cops got called and everyone fled the scene. I don’t normally run so im out of shape but I have long legs and I was scared shitless so I got the fuck oout of there pretty damn quick. But ehhherrrmm. Yeah. High School party, everyone was drinking so was I. I was a leeeetle drunk that night so I can say I don’t remember much of it. My first time. The girls name was becka annd I think she was related to jaba the hut. Also she was nutty or something because she just kinda fuckin pounced on me and was like gurgling and growling “PENIS IN MY VAGINA”. . . “RAWWWWWEERRRRR”. So we had sex.

The girl? Erm. . . she was hot. Wellllllllll basically hot. Her name was Becka. I don’t know anything else about her. And yeah I guess she was just “first time hot.” Never saw her again. Used a condom, so she cant rape me for child support. Sure she was fat and maybe a bit sweaty. DOESN’T MATTER HAD SEX.

                                                                                                                                                          

Now the second time I had sex was one month laster in late September. I had outdoor gym class with this really hot girl whose name was summer. She had brown hair and wore bright red spankies, THE WHOLE SEMESTER.  She even went so far as to put her hair in pigtail ribbons and wear knee high socks. She just did what all the other volley girls did, but 10 times better. She wasn’t very funy, she wasn’t very smart, but she thought I was cute and I told her I wrote her a poem and that was it. She was sold. We never dated, we went to the mall a few times as friends and then I drove her home one day and she told me to come inside. I, being an idiot had no clue and asked her why and she said “ I want you to tell me another poem.”  And so while I being such the Shakespearian master grand funky love pimp that I am recited her some love poems while she much to my astonished amazement undressed on her bed in the corner opposite me. Lets just say I didn’t make it very far before I was all over her. The most intense thing was because she sat me down and said, ok tell me something romantic.  And she sat all on her knees on the bed smiling slightly and watching at me with such a vixen stare that my eyes were glued to hers. And then never looking away from me once she slowly started to slip out of her clothes.

Only I knew she was staring right at my eyes so I knew she would know if I looked at her breasts or her lovely lady parts and I felt IDIOTICALLY unsure of how she wanted me to react in the situation so I kinda just stumbled with things. But eventually instinct kicked in and everything was put into place. And ohhhhh she had those sexy little tan lines from her bikini. I die for tan lines. Idky.

We started out me on top. Things were going good. . . for a bit. . . But then because I’m so goddamned skinny and weak My arms got really tired, and I was in missionary position, so I mean for all male readers out there I’m sure you know that can be tiring. So I didn’t want to look like an idiot, so I say. “ I want to feel closer to you” so then I lay on my elbows and put more weight on her chest. Which probably wasn’t fair. And it didn’t work really well either because soon she was kinda getting out of the swing of things and making these difficult faces, so I freaked out and didn’t want her to start like giving out on me or anything so I tell her “why don’t you get on top Miss.sexy, so I can see your curves” Now I know that’s a bit awkward but you gotta admit Im smooth. She eagerly was willing to switch sides with me and then I didn’t have to do as much work, and I know she had more control over sex so things could go her way. And no one ever had to know I was a weak little bitch. The sex was awesome I felt like running around and screaming and singing afterwards.

So those are my sexual experiences. Its probably illegal for a minor to write about sex in a public blog isn’t it? Oh well, I’m going to hell any way.

That was six months ago and I would really like it if I could have sex again, only not just a onetime thing this time. I think I would really like to be in a relationship first. I think I’m bored with sex with strangers.  

eeeeeehhhhhh

So today I drank some coffee. Listened to music. The sky looked really awesome. This weather sucked but the clouds we get from it are pretty rad. I have nothing better to do but write. I got a letter from this pretty cute scene chick today. Scene chicks really confuse the fuck out of me with their odd choice in appearances sometimes but don’t worry, this one’s good. And By good I mean she doesn’t look like the reincarnated Amy Winehouse.  . . and by good I mean she doesn’t look like shes smuggling squirrels or raccoons in her hair. This girl is great. I see her sometimes in the library and she’ll write funny comments in all the text books, kiss marks in bright red lipstick on the back cover. Draw Hitler mustaches on all the people. Handle bar ones on the children. She does that, bright red lipstick thing. Why I don’t know. But for some reason I think it’s really hot. Other than that I don’t know much about her. She kinda gives me . . . you know, that look sometimes. I’m not sure but I think we went to middle school together. Any way. She gave me this note and pretty much it said that our idiot teacher can’t teach her a damn thing. And she was wondering if I could call her to explain to her today’s lesson if I have the time. Little did she know I wasn’t paying attention to a damn thing that man said?  but, uh, I’m pretty sure she wants my nuts ;D

Drunk day was (as always) success.

smoke alarm in hallway went off. All is well. no one heard it. opened window. everythin is good. 

Final challenge of Drinking Day is deciding what tastes better- 

Wine in a glass

or right out of the bottle.

what do you think?

Drinking DAY!

I love how when your drunk all you have to do is tilt your head and you enter a new world. tonight after drinking day began I called over my best friend Allen.

Hes one year older then me. My mother loves him. hes her highschool best friends son. Ive known him for as long as ive known Queenie. But hes always been a year older then me. almost two if your counting in months. which means hes always felt like i'm some sort of imbecile.

I know hes supposed to be my friend but I kind of always feel like hes the bighgest fuck of a person Ive ever met. he sucks mega cock. I feel like he must thinknhes better then me. he geos to a nice school.blonde (short)... (meaning GAY) hair. Wears ambercrombie and smokes cigars while he walks through crocker park like he thinks hes some sort of fucking bad ass. really all he needs is a good fuck. but who am I to point fingers. Any way, hes my best friend and I hate his guts XD

I started drinking day's actual drinking at 5. What decent person would drink before 5? besides thats all the time I need to finish my chemistry homework and get into my english paper. /i kinda hate english. Nothing can be accomplished from english accept for story telling. Thats what im doing right now. And i suck balls at life. so .... storytelling is officialy pointless. there is no such thing as hero any more.

I came home and opened my bottle of wine. Its 13 proof 750 ML of dark red wine. (and as always some vodka, which (by now) I am far into. I plan on drinking all the wine. the whole bottle. And i plan on having three or four shots of vodka (diluted.) Its hard for me to get drunk. I think its because my grandmother was an alcoholic.  Idk. I settle into my room. I diont ave much in my room. probably because Im so boring. A desk for homework and my lap top and a few posters. A closet where my dresser is and a futon. a few posters fall on the walls. the room is still kinda empty. but im not materialistic. I dont spend my money on things. only gass and dinner occasionally and alcohol once a week. and cards too. but thats not expensive unless your an idiot

my parents and my older sister (32) buy me clothes. So shut the blinds and turn off the celing lights. then I pop in a beasty boys CD open the vodka and pour myself a shot of vodka in a glass. i add monster to it. drink three more identical concotions down. and jam to the music. pop open my bottle of wine.

this week the other is dark red wine. by the time I'm into the wine i feel pretty good. i wrote my last entire blog.
I fucking love wine. I dont want to sound like a pussy fuck but really its great. so stingy and somethign I can drink that will really make me alert. Beer is good for movies. But wine is good for other things. music and blogg writing. I suppose. :) I like that i feel like a bloggg writer now.

Any way. My lips are stained purple from this lovely god send wine. nothing expensve 8 bucks. beastie boys blaring. Im on my third glass and feeling pretty good. Ive decided now is a good time to re group my magic the gathering deck. once its perfected and the beasty boys CD goes silent. I pop in some Bush and call allen. Ready to whoop his ass at magic and share some wine inreturn for his cigars his mohter doesnt know he has and my mother doesnt know I smoke. Still. Bad ass. think about it? card game dim lamp light and cigar smoke? wine? gotta love it.

Today is drinking day!

Ok so I know I lead an extradinarioly boring life. I know I dont do anything at all. And thats why I drink I suppose. I like drinking alone. I dont generaly like social situations and I dont get invited to enough parties to do my drinking at parties. Besides which, when Im with a bunch of people and I'm drunk I usualy act like an asshole. (but who doesnt?)

I am only 17 and I drink. No one can trace me through the internet and arrest me any way im sure. My parents dont know I driunk. That wouldnt go over well. Could I get arrested for taling about this online? Really what are the rules in regards to that. If a 17 year old tells a cop, last weekend I was drunk as fuck but I have no proof. What would the cop say?

I dont know. someone tell me.

so yes! drinking day! drinking day usualy happens about once a week. right after school i head to one of those conveniant stores in down town (cleveland) because that is where I live.) And then (on a good day) I just walk right up and purchase my schnalk. he gives me what ever  ask for and they never Id. I'm so goddamned tall they probably assume i am an adult. i dunno. I am skinny though. so maybe not. But I dont know if that has anythign to do with it. I am around 6 foot 6 so no one ever questions me really. And then After i get what i want he charges me and i pay and i put it in my back pack and i leave. (its almost alway an old dude. he doesnt speak english)

I was thinking that maybe he does in fact know how old I am because some days when he feels like it he charges me twice as much as he should. I never argue because duh im a minor. But its only whenever he feels like it.

Now on a bad day Which is when there are more then no people there, I have to wait for some homeles fucker to walk by.(don't feel badfor me though because in cleveland that doesnt take too long) I give him thirty and tell him he can keep fifteen if he gets me my shit. (i'm generous to them homeless ya see) only because I know they are probably drunks themselvs and i like helpin people out. I'd be a drunk too. Nuthing better to do.

I'm not too nice though. because I tell them if they
steal my money ill pound their face in. I say they can help me or not. no stealing. (sorry if this is especialy corny i am drunkish. not really though. drinking day has only just begun.) too buzzed to give a fuck about my typos though. Cloud nine now bitches. What did i just say?

Lol.

the above

a threat
a lapse in concentration
an honest question to get me back to the point

now. the homeless guys have never stolen my money. probably because if im wearing the right clothes no one can tell how bone thin i am. I look giant if a baggy hoodie hides all the bonyness. they probably think ill actually do something. But fuck that id run like a bitch. I am such a mother fucking coward. Id never start join or even stop a fight. And thank god Ive never been shot. stabbed. or anyhting. My poor mother would probably cry her eyes out if she knew the transactions that were happening once a week after school. Queenie would kill me. But queenie shouldnt talk becuase she smokes from time to time. pot and tobacco. I dont smoke anything, I dont need fucking cancer. My life already sucks as it is. I dont want to sound like a weezy bandersnatch. what?

idk

so thats how I get my schnalk. i always get 40 proof vodka and then something else. i mix it up. this week its wine.

Drinking day is one of my favorites. after I get my shit i drive home. and go straight to my room. I'm a moody teenager so my parents leave me alone. I shove my progress report under the door and tell them I'm depressed and then they go away. satisfied with my straigh A's.

Yeah bitch. All honors. all a's. yall can just suck it.

WHAT SON.

I totally just slapped a calculator's cover onto it that's supposed to slide on without sliding it on. What up.

My name is, What?

About my name. My full name is Jackson ****** Jean. (yeah you nosy little internet troll monkeys you’ll never know my goddamned middle name, if you even so much as ask I’ll be sure tie your shoelaces together while you’re sitting here commenting, so you know… you fall when you get up.) C’mon people keep up!  Was that a fail? Yes I’d say so. 

As I was saying. Ehm Ehm Ehm. . . My Name Is Jackson Jean but This girl I grew up with started calling me Jackie jean because it kinda sounds like Jackie chan. You see now? I’m sure you read my blog title (for all you millions of followers out there) and thought … “hmmmmm… that sounds familiar “ its because if you’ve ever liked 80’s ninja whatnot movies you’ve probably heard those wonderfully alliterative sounds. And no that was not a stab at their language that was a remark at Jackie Chans Prolific chinaman martial arts fighting movies. And if any of the above was incorrect please don't scold me. I’m not really that worldly of a man. The biggest city ive been to was Cleveland. I only go on family vacations to boring places so my immediate family can culture shock the hell out of me as they introduce me to distant relatives and the weird and wacky ways they all live. I usually just hide in the back of the station wagon. So...........

I kind of like my name. Jackson that is. Jackie is all right too, but no one calls me Jackie except for queenie, and even her calling me that irked the hell out of me until one horrifying day I actually felt comfortable with the name and without realizing it answered to her ostentatious calling down the hall. She likes to scream at me from random locations when I don’t have a clue where she is. Takes me forever to find her most of the time because she’ll be like miles away screamin and she won’t stop until she knows I see her. I know what most of you are thinking, you’d probably kill her if you were in my shoes, but I’ve known her literally since birth. Our moms are best friends and I just can’t seem to shake her. She’s just ALWAYS there. Her real name isn’t actually Queenie. That would be stupid. Horrible decision on her parent’s part if that were the case. No, I gave her that name sometime around the age of 10 or 11 or so when I got sick of her hollering out JACKIE! Her first name is actually Elizabeth. I called her Queen Elizabeth. then eventually queen and Queenie and occasionally Quinn. Her middle name heh heh, which I will post on here because it will bug the hell out of her, is Petra. It’s German ? right? She has a second middle name for her grandmother, and OBVIOUSLY a last name but I’m not posting it because I don’t need any angry calls from her father when 50 random people start creepin on her Facebook. She has one of those. I don’t. Because I suppose I think Facebook is evil and social networking in general is largely narcissistic. But look at where I am. What the hypocrite. But it’s not like anyone’s reading any way.

Hello blogging community.

I just thought of two alterations that would make the above title that much more interesting, and perhaps even enhance the level of interest I have in my situation at the moment as well. One is "hello blogging commune" 

but not like community, instead a hippy commune full of tents and vagabonds, poker and accordion players alike.





The second one was "hello Flogging community. . . Which, I mean, I don't know about you but Id love to be a part of that community. s and m and what not. ;D

Sooooooooooooooooo. This be me blog I sup’ose. Rargh and Argh and all that. I guess I like talking like a pirate. Not enough to keep it up though eh? Hmm… That sounded like a horrible sexual innuendo. I really would love to get the horrific images of captain hooks dissapointed face out and far away from my imagination.

Great Scott this is probably the most lame blog ever written. But no one is going to look any way. And I’m used to being lame. That’s pretty much All I’ve ever been for the longest time. Lame. Right, right! I Know I sound like the emo teen poster child, and you’d be surprised, I look the part too. 
But I’m dead serious.  Im not asking anyone to take pity on me. I’m simply admitting to exactly how boring I truly am. I have nothing to do. AT ALL. Not a god damned single thing. So I wandered around the inter webs after a long adventurous exploration of all the blogs on here ive realized that I might fit right in. With myself being boring and what not. Now this might offend some people (but no one’s reading the crap I write any way right?) so I don’t really give a damn, aha. I mean come on bloggers, Take a look at yourselves. Or should I say ourselves now, Since now Ive joined your ranks. Still. I certainly don’t care about the day in day out crap you post on here every day.
“I cooked a GREAT pumpkin pie yesterday!!! Here’s the recipe! :D” no no no thank you. 

There are thousands of blogs on here and there all pretty much people just yakking about the shit they do every day. Or how they’ve overcome some sort of mediocre obstacle, like realizing what a jerk they were in high school, or losing 30 pounds after having a baby. I know I don’t care about your kid, and I don’t really want to see a picture of his snaggle tooth face all up close on my computer screen. I don’t care HOW cute your daughter looks as a baby in the bath, I promise you, When shes 16 she’s going to wanna chop your head off woman!

         But I suppose it’s like what my friend Queenie said,

she says a blog is like some ones diary and their brave enough to post it online to share with friends and family and the world then you should treat their braveness with respect. That’s queenie for you tho. Always saying even the smallest simple thing is “brave”.  But who am I to judge?

I am boring too. And most of those mothers and mediocre goal achievers have something I truly don’t. A sense of accomplishment. They feel they’re really doing something. I won’t ever have that. Because all I do all day long is nothing. Listen to music; float around Cleveland like a ghost. Visit Tower City and hide from the wretched ghetto youths that have managed to stay in school long enough to still torment me all the way up to my junior year. I can’t believe I made it this long. No I’m not a sissy. I’m not whining, complaining that I get the shit beat out of me far too many times. but its not the physical crap that gets me  ITS THE GODDAMNED MUSIC! Ill take the beatings anyday over Flocka wacka what ever the fucka! I don’t really care about that. I’m not a lover but I’m not a fighter either. I guueesssss I'm the quiet guy who shrugs it off. Im far  too tall for many of them to even manage to knock me down any way. they kinda just bump into me. Its hilariously awkward.

These teens are simply just too damn annoying. That’s all. They all think they’re going to be millionaires, focusing on their “rapping careers” instead of life choices. I’ll be surprised if they make it to college with their kind of focus. But again, who am I to judge? I might get good grades, but I don’t really have a plan. I’ll probably stay at home, be happy if I even manage to get myself to Tri C. kind of feel much more like sleeping for a year and then figuring out what I’d be good at. Most likely nothing. So here I am internet. Adding my words to all the other crap that seems to have accumulated here.